Dear skinny girl,
I know that you may not see yourself this way but society has convinced me you’re perfect. Every time you off-handedly say “I’m fat” or that you “need to lose the last 5” with the same disdained tone you would use if you said the word you actually meant, ugly, my heart sinks. It is no secret that I am bigger than you and my brain automatically reminds me “if she thinks that about herself what on earth does she think about me?” If you need to lose 5 pounds do you think I need to lose 35? Your casual comment sends me into a spiral that lasts for days. It comes up when I’m eating my next meal and I decide to eat less than I want to. It sticks with me.
That dress in the mall, the one you pointed out in the window because it would look “perfect on me,” it doesn’t come in my size. I know you love that store but it stops at a size large. You have your arms full of cute tops while I hide behind you or lie and say I couldn’t find anything I liked. I know it didn’t cross your mind and you didn’t mean any harm. It doesn’t have to cross your mind, the world is built for you. The responsibility of planning before shopping and coming up with excuses has landed on me. Just please understand your privilege and don’t be mad when I don’t want to come along because I am too mentally exhausted to handle it.
Please know I love you and I want you to love yourself. I know society has hurt you too, given you standards that tell you even you aren’t good enough. Your pain does not deserve to be silenced simply because I bear more of it. But remember that for everything the world has told you about your body it has told me worse. While you are told you don’t have the perfect bikini body, I am told that I am not even allowed into a bikini to the point that they won’t make it in my size lest I was so bold to do it anyways. Every time you convinced yourself you needed to diet to shed the last couple of pounds, I’ve had doctors tell me I had to lose weight even though I was perfectly healthy. You were told to be a better you, I was told to be a new me.